I rehearsed every sentence before I said it. Out loud. In my head. Sometimes both.

I thought I had simply become more careful. More mature. More considered. I had not. I was in perimenopause. And I did not have the language for it.

The inner critic had moved in, and she had a lot to say. About every decision I made. Every word I chose. Every meeting I came out of. Should I have said that? Did I sound clear? Was that the right call? Why did I say that out loud?

The chatter was constant. And exhausting.

I did not understand what was happening until I started my yoga teacher training. We did bodywork. We sat with what came up. People spoke openly about hormones, something I had never heard before. 

That was the first time my body and my language met. What had been happening to me finally had a name.

It turned out the criticism was not the truth. It was chemistry.

Oestrogen sits in the parts of your brain that govern decision-making, memory, emotion and stress. When it fluctuates  - and in perimenopause it can fluctuate a lot, those regions feel it. So do you.

It also interacts with the chemistry that helps you feel like yourself. Serotonin for mood. Dopamine for motivation. GABA for calm. When the hormone moves, the chemistry moves with it.

Progesterone is often the first to drop. It converts into a calming compound that quietens the nervous system. When it goes, that quiet goes too. Anxiety rises. Sleep frays. Stress lands harder than it used to.

Cortisol becomes more reactive. Slower to settle. The same pressures feel bigger and stay longer.

And then there is brain fog. Word-finding. Forgetting names. Forgetting why you walked into the room.

The SWAN study found that 44% of women in early perimenopause report cognitive difficulties. Broader reviews place the figure as high as 65%. For many women, these symptoms ease once the transition settles.

When I tell a woman her body is not failing her, I mean it literally.

Her body is doing exactly what it was always going to do.

What she has not been given is the language for it.

This matters at work and not only for the woman living it.

When a senior woman stops speaking up, the room loses what she would have brought. When she cannot trust her own judgement, she cannot bring her full self to the work. The team feels it. The decisions feel it. The culture feels it.

Authenticity at work allows experienced women to lead with the clarity they have earned. The inner critic is one of the quietest reasons that voice goes missing and it tends to go missing in the women you most need to hear.

This is what the next Power Pause is for.

“The Inner Critic”- Friday 15 May, 12:00 BST for 45 minutes .

We will explore why she gets louder in perimenopause and menopause. We will move into some mindfulness practice and I will share reframing tools and coaching techniques you can take straight back into your week.

Most of all, we will come together and remember there are ways through this. You do not have to do it alone.

Register here

If you know a colleague, friend or team member who might need this, please share it with them. 

Always: please speak with your GP or menopause specialist about HRT or any clinical support that may be right for you. This work sits alongside medical care, not instead of it.

You are not losing yourself. You are being invited to meet a new version of yourself.